I just want a rolling battle station. Image: Tesla

Steam, the PC gaming platform, is making its way around town as part of Tesla’s latest holiday update. It fulfills a promise Tesla CEO Elon Musk made almost two years ago: that you’ll be able to play The Witcher 3 using the car’s built-in hardware. But unfortunately for me, I won’t get to play it, and it doesn’t look like there will be any easy path toward upgrading.

I have a 2018 Tesla Model 3, and I think I should mention it’s received plenty of upgrades over the years, including overhauled user interface, Autopilot visualizations, streaming apps, and arcade games. But in my car, all of Tesla’s fancy new software is running on the Intel Atom — a processor designed for cheap netbooks from the previous decade (Remember the Eee PC?). So…

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